Totally Bored!
by KukaruiValentine
Summary: Just some rambles I did while trying to sleep, pointless and funny, just read for a little laugh. Flames will be used at the big Final Fantasy VII B-B-Q this weekend!
1. Fifteen Minute Ramble

_(I am bored out of my skull; and I know that you all like it when I get bored.  
  
I don't own any of the said things. Final Fantasy VII is not mine, neither is Harry Potter, Final Fantasy X; Simpsons, whatever else I put up there... Thank you and enjoy)  
  
Just a fifteen minute ramble about nothing._

_A/N: I was at home and couldn't sleep (Damn side effects!) so I thought I would write to get my mind off of trying to sleep!_  
  
  
On the Highwind  
  
Cid: Where are my goddamn cigarettes?  
Beth: Try your... uh...POCKETS!  
Vincent: ............  
Yuffie: (barfing more)  
Cloud: I found a gil.... and here's another one, and ANOTHER ONE!  
Aeris: Cloud, you have a hole in your pocket,  
Tifa: (grumbles)  
Barret: (sighs and starts to fall asleep, using his gun arm as a pillow)  
Sephiroth: (from his little cage) Uh...could someone let me out? It's really, really cold in here, and it smells like poopy.  
Aeris: It wouldn't smell so bad if someone hadn't crapped in the corner.  
Sephiroth: (getting flustered) I didn't go poop in the corner! I went poop on the cat's toy!  
Cait Sith: (looking down the back of his mog) GROSS!  
Cloud: I wondered what smelled.  
Vincent: (Silently doing the dance to Y.M.C.A. behind everyone's back, he stops as soon as they turn around) What?  
Beth: (giggling) Nothing.  
Cid: SMOKES! My precious... precious.... babies..... (grabs up cigarettes and kisses them all over)  
Barret: Go to a Smokers Anon meeting for crying out loud!  
Yuffie: (still barfing more and more)  
Cait Sith: (takes his mog out to the deck)  
Everyone follows.  
Cait Sith: (throws his mog over the side of the ship) THERE! God damned machine from HELL.... oh, no....  
Cloud: He had the Keystone on that damn thing! (Jumps off after him)  
Tifa: CLOUDY! You could get hurt! (Jumps off too) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
Aeris: (jumps after Cloud and Tifa)  
Cid: What do we do now?  
Beth: (looking over the side) Boy, is that far!  
Vincent: (nudges Beth off the side)  
Beth: (falls, but grabs Vincent's cape and takes him down with her)  
  
Hours later, at the intensive care unit at Kalm's new hospital.  
Beth: (laying there, covered with bandages all over her head and her upper legs)  
Vincent: (lays beside her in the next bed with bandages on his lower stomach and upper legs)  
Aeris: (lays in a full body cast)  
Tifa: (full body cast)  
Cloud: (broken leg)  
Cid: (walking in) What the....?  
Beth: Well, I landed on Vincent's....uh....never mind, (points to Vincent) Aeris and Tifa hit the ground fighting over who was going to save Cloud! (Points to Aeris and Tifa) And Cloud, well, he landed on his head.  
Barret: So no harm done there.  
Beth: Right.  
Cid: (sighs) What are we going to do?  
Beth: We are suppose to stay in bed all day!  
Cloud: (pushing his bed along using a broom to push himself) Hey! Look at me! The bed is a gondala-AH!!! (falls down the stairs)  
Vincent: (opening his eyes) Watch out for the....  
Beth: (closes her eyes as she hears the crash) Stairs....  
Cid: (looks at the group) Nope, no brain damage.  
Yuffie: (sits on Aeris' bed) So, who won the fight?  
Aeris and Tifa mumble a lot.  
Yuffie: I did? Thank you!  
Aeris and Tifa mumble angrily.  
Vincent: (sighs) At least I landed on something soft!  
Beth: (groans as she turns her head to look at him) I had something hard land on me!  
Cid: What?  
Beth: Vincent's big........er....... arm!   
Vincent: Hush! Your metal arm nearly cut me in half.  
Beth: (reaches over and cuts the string that is holding Vincent's flesh arm above his head, the string snaps and his arm crashes onto the bed)  
Vincent: (yelps in pain, hits the morphine button and relaxes) Ahh....  
Beth: (hits her own button)  
Aeris and Tifa: (already had their morphine and are now asleep)  
Barret: Now wha'?  
Cid: I don't know...  
Nanaki: (comes out of the bathroom) Don't eat the tuna fish.  
Cid: What tuna fish?  
Nanaki: The tuna fish the crew served last night...  
Cid: That wasn't Tuna fish...  
Nanaki: (turns and runs back into the bathroom, hurling noises are heard)  
Cloud: (at the bottom of the stairs) Help...............hello? I am in a little pain here................... someone? Anyone?...............ouch............I think I am bleeding internally!  
  
(End Fifteen minutes #1)  
  
  
   
  



	2. Twenty Minute Ramble

(Start Twenty minute Ramble)  
  
(On the HIghwind)  
Nanaki: Pickles! Pickles!!!!  
Beth: What the F— (Get's tackled by Barret)  
Barret: She's got the football!!!   
Beth: (laying on the floor) Ugh, get off of me, and what are you talking about? Football???  
Barret: (laughs like a little school girl)  
Nanaki: Big greasy bowls of dripping, sloppy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat... squashed squid eyeballs and me without my spoon!!!!!!!  
Cloud: Nice.  
Nanaki: Penguins eat Goldfish crackers, praise me, for I am DOG!  
Aeris: (playing strip poker with Tifa) Nice.... I got a four aces...  
Tifa: (naked) Uh.... float me again?  
Aeris: No. Give me the implants!  
Tifa: (holding her bossom) But they are REAL!  
Aeris: (holds out her hand) Give them to me....  
Cloud: (looks over) Is Tifa naked, with Aeris trying to steal her boobs?  
Beth: no.  
Nanaki: Pirate SHIP!  
Barret: Nah.  
Cid: MOTHER (%$)$#%$%*)(@#))(@!#(!#()@#()(*)!(@#(*)(*)@$#()*(*)$#()  
Beth: What was that about?  
Cid: We are running low on BEER!  
Cloud: (falls to the ground, holding his head) NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Aeris: (picking up a large pile of clothes and two water filled balloons) I am going to my room now...  
Tifa: (still with her big bust) I told her they were real.  
Cloud: Then what is with the....  
Tifa: (giggles, then realizes she is naked)  
(Several male Tifa fans appear outside the Highwind window and take pictures of her)  
Beth: (laughing)  
Yuffie: (Hurls) oh, wow.... that one looks like a cow....  
Nanaki: My filbitz hurts my dort-nay-do-rac!  
Beth: does anyone know what he is saying?  
Vincent: (snoring)  
Barret: Not in the least.  
Cloud: (looks at a Skittle on the floor, eats it, then follows the path they make out to the Chocobo room) What the f— where are the rest of the Skittles???  
Barret: (slams the door shut, locking Cloud inside)  
Tidus: (appearing out of nowhere) Where are all the party people?  
Rikku: Yeah! (Appears too) Par-TAY!!!  
Aeris: What is going on here?  
Cid: Cloud told us no party, so we locked him in the Chocobo room and we are throwing a HUGE party!  
(Several Playboy bunnies walk in, right by Vincent, who is waking up)  
Vincent: Am I dead? Did I atone for my sins?  
Beth: (smacks Vincent) Hush, you aren't dead, and don't ogle, or I will give you a sin to really atone for!  
Yuna: (walks into the cockpit) Where is the keg?  
Beth: It's A KEGGER?   
Cid: Of course....  
Reno, Rude, Elena, Tseng, Rufus, Reeve, Palmer, Scarlet and Heidegger walk in too.  
Beth: who invited the TURKS!?!?!  
Reno: Hush, we are here for the girls and booze...  
Rikku is dancing on a table, topless...  
Beth: (sighs) This isn't happening to me....  
Link: (From Legends of Zelda, the teenager one, not the young boy, walks in)   
Beth: (looks at the door) WHO GOT A HOLD OF MY MAGIC DOOR????  
Vincent: (whistles innocently)  
The door opens again, and out walks Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley.  
Beth: (Looks at them) Hi Guys, (thinks a moment) But they can't drink!   
Barret: Now... it's alright, (dancing with Rikku)  
Beth: (sighs and slaps herself on the face)  
Draco walks through the door, with Crabbe and Goyle.  
Beth: (sighs) This isn't good....  
The door opens again, Bart and Homer Simpson walk in  
Bart: Party on dude!  
Vincent: What? Those playboy bunnies are keeping Harry and Ron very busy over there!  
Beth: (gasps) NO LAP DANCES FOR THE FIFTEEN YEAR OLDS!  
Harry: I thank you, but I am sixteen!  
Beth: Sorry Harry, love you, really do! (Trying to hold the door shut)  
The door opens again and smashes Beth, this time Neo, Trinity and Morpheus walk in.  
Beth: Okay, now this party is getting cool.... maybe....  
Neo: AH! Beer....  
Beth: (grumbles then turns to Trinity) May I have your autograph?  
The door opens again.  
Beth: (turns and looks)   
Cloud: (standing there, in the mist of the crowd) There is no time for a party, we need to get on with the miss— HEY! Is that Rikku dancing naked on the table over here?  
Beth: (sighs) This is going to be one big party.  
Bart: Don't have a cow man!  
  
(End Twenty Minute Ramble)  
  



	3. Another Ramble?

_A/N: Me no own, you no sue. I was just bored! Killing time! (Time screams in the background) Uh… just read! _

(Beginning thirty minute long ramble)  
(This is what I do when I have an half hour of time to kill and can't sleep)  
  
Beth: (grabbing her head) Anyone catch the number of that bus that hit me?  
Vincent: (picking her up) Oh, hush.... you just didn't move away from the tiny Bronco again... you should watch out for that damn thing.  
Yuffie: (humming) I love him, yes I do.... I love him more than you!  
Beth: (glares at Yuffie, holding her metal claw up, her sword in the other) what are we singing about?  
Yuffie: (gulps and hides behind Barret) Nothing!!!  
Beth: (grumbles) Aeris... start a campfire... It's getting dark.  
Aeris: Why do I have to do everything around here?  
Beth: Because I am the one with the keyboard and I can make you die!  
Aeris: Can not!  
Beth: Can too!  
Aeris: Can not!  
Beth: Can too!  
Aeris: Can not, can not!!!  
Beth: Can too!  
Aeris: CAN NOT!  
Beth: I will prove it!  
Aeris: I don't believe you!  
(Suddenly the whole group is in the Ancient City, Aeris is praying at the altar; Cloud runs up to her, just as Sephiroth slices her down the middle)  
Beth: (To Aeris) Told you!  
Aeris: Fuck you! (Dies)  
Cloud: (holds her up) You killed her....  
(The group returns to the campsite, minus Aeris)  
Yuffie: where is Aeris?  
Beth: I don't know.... (hums)  
Cloud: Can't we please make this an Aeris Resurrection Fic?  
Beth: No.  
Tifa: No.  
Nanaki: (starting the fire with his tail) I like Corn Flakes in the morning!  
Barret: (glares at the crazy Dog) You have been acting funny lately!  
Beth: That's because one of the wolves that we fought put him under confusion... he has been confused for weeks.  
Nanaki: I have an announcement to make! A-HEM!! I LIKE WAFFLES!  
(A/N: I like Waffles, I like them a lot, they don't have to be buttered or even be hot, if you ask me if I like waffles, my answer will be YUP! Waffles isn't my breakfast you see, Waffles is my pup! (I have a dog named Waffles!))  
Tifa: Some announcement...  
Nanaki: (Donkey) This is going to be great, we can stay up late, swapping manly stories and in the morning.... I'm making Waffles!  
Barret: (grumbles) I can't take this anymore! (Beats up Nanaki)  
Nanaki: Don' be ya playa' hater yo!!!   
Barret: (beats him harder)  
Beth: (looking around the camp) Where is Cait Sith?  
Tifa: The moogle got destroyed in the fifteen minute ramble and Reeve hasn't made a new one yet!  
Vincent: (out of nowhere) I am horny.  
Beth: We know... we know...............wait a sec................  
Cid: (puts two cigs up on his mouth like fangs) I am the dreaded Count Smoke-U-Lot! I give you lung cancer and then I suck your blood!  
Yuffie: (laughs, falls into fire)  
Beth: (laughing)  
Yuffie: (screams and runs off into the forest)  
Barret: Getting rid of Characters you don't like tastefully, eh, Beth?  
Beth: (giggles and nods)  
Barret: (disappears)  
Tifa: Where the fu—  
Cloud: don't say it.  
Cid: (laughing, swallows his cigarette)  
Nanaki: Dinner was STEWED MONKEY BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Cid: (blowing smoke out of his ears)  
Cloud: Dinner was WHAT?? (Runs off to a nearby tree and hurls)  
Tifa: watch out for sku–   
Cloud: (screams like a girl)  
Tifa: Skunks...  
Cloud: GOD! That smells worse than Tifa after no shower for a few days! GROSS!  
Beth: (laughing)  
Cid: (hiccups) HEY! Your burning the hot dogs!  
Nanaki: Rub Mustard onto My Big fat hairy–  
Beth: STOP IT!  
Nanaki: (sits quietly)  
Vincent: (looks around) where did the big black man and hyperactive teenager go?  
Beth: They went.... poof?  
Vincent: And where is that damned cat?  
Beth: Using up three of his lives.... I hope.  
Tifa: You really, really don't like Cait at all, do you?  
Beth: Nope, didn't even use him in the game!  
Cait: (was walking back to meet the group, sobs and runs away)  
Tifa: that was mean!  
Beth: What? I do like you all.... (glances at Vincent) Just some more than others....  
Vincent: (coldly) thank you, I feel so wanted.  
Beth: Your welcome....Luv Bunny  
Cloud: (laughs)  
Cid: (laughs)  
Vincent: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROO– err.... uh, heh..... heh......  
Beth: Point for me!  
Vincent: Okay, you get a point for that....   
Cid: (looks at them) what the f–?  
Beth: Let's keep profanities down to a mininum in this fan fiction, k?  
Tifa: Don't see why not. It's always rated R!  
Beth: FINE! Just for that, the next fan fiction is going to be rated G! For Good!  
Cid: No! Beth, you wouldn't censor me That much would you?  
Beth: Who said that YOU get to be in it? It will be Tifa.  
Tifa: (squeaks) ME??  
Beth: yes, just you!  
Tifa: what a stupid........... (Mouthing words)  
Nanaki: (laughing) That is good!  
Tifa: (angry)................  
Vincent: Now she knows how I feel......  
Beth: (sighs) Tifa...  
Tifa: .........?  
Beth: (points up) Look up!  
Tifa: (screams)  
Barret, Cait Sith and Yuffie all fall on her, a popping noise is heard.  
Tifa: (covering her chest) Oh no! Now look what you have done, you have gone a popped my multi million dollar implants!  
Aeris: (appears) HA! I KNEW THAT THEY WERE FAKE!!!!  
Tifa: they are as real as the nose on your face! (Flicks Aeris' nose)  
Aeris: (nose falls off) I had a nose job!  
Tifa and Aeris: (Run off crying)  
Cloud: Great, now who is going to lay me tonight?  
Yuffie: Hum?? Yoo hoo!   
Vincent: He asked for it.... (evil grin)  
  
(End Thirty Minute ramble)  
  



	4. Five Minute MiniRamble

(Begin pointless five minute ramble)  
  
Red: (running after Cait) Giant Twinkie riding steak TAR TAR!!!   
Cloud: what is that dog up to?  
Tifa: (whistles) here boy!  
Red: (starts to pant and paddles over to Tifa) Woof?   
Tifa: (hands him a doggy toy)  
Red: Woof!!! (happy bark, he takes the toy outside and plays with it)  
Cait: What is Steak tartar?   
Cloud: (shrugs)  
Sephiroth: (banging his head on the metal bars of his cage) LET ME OUT!  
Cloud: Sure....  
Tifa: Oh no.  
Beth: (covers her head with Vinny's cape, trying to sleep)  
Vincent: (snuggles closer to Beth) This can't be good.  
Cloud: (takes Sephiroth's cage outside and dumps it over the edge of the Highwind, leaving Sephiroth to hang onto the door that swung open.  
Sephiroth: (screams) OKAY! THE CAGE WAS BETTER! THE CAGE WAS BETTER  
Cloud: (walks in, with the cage) Time for his medication....  
Beth: (loads up Barret's arm gun) Ready....  
Red and Cid: (pull Sephy's pants down and bend him towards the gun)  
Sephiroth: This is so humiliating....  
Beth: Aim....  
Barret: (Aims)  
Sephiroth: (closes his eyes)  
Beth: FIRE!  
Thirty something needles worth of sedatives and narcotics are shot at Sephiroth's butt.  
Sephiroth: (Screeched in pain) ............Mommy, I want the puppy in the window! (Falls over, out cold.)  
Beth: That should keep him quiet for at least....  
Sephiroth: That hurt! (Suddenly awake, and fine)  
Beth: Ten seconds....  
  
(End Five Minute Ramble)  
  



	5. Another Five minute Ramble

(Begin another five minute ramble)  
  
Beth: Why do I put up with you guys?  
Vincent: Cuz you love us?  
Barret: Cuz we are strong...  
Tifa: Because we are nice?  
Cloud: Because we are the heros?  
Yuffie: Because you just do?  
Cid: Because we smoke?  
Beth: No, (Points to Vincent) Because you are hot, (Points to Barret) Because you are too cool, Mr. T.   
Barret: (blushes)  
Beth: (pointing to Tifa) Because she is cool and cute.   
Tifa: (jaw drops)  
Cloud: YURI!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Beth: (points to Cloud) Because you are the brainless idiot that has to run this show, (Points to Cid) You remind me of my brother, he's cool,   
Cid: Thanks I think....  
Beth: (points to Aeris) I think she is a bitch, but I like her fighting style... (points to Red) Love him, just cuz, (Points to Yuffie) Bitch.... (Points to Cait) Never understood you!  
Cloud: Thank you, I think  
Yuffie: Who you calling bitch?  
Beth: YOU!  
Beth, Aeris, Tifa and Yuffie all get into a cat fight.  
Barret: (yelling) Tickets! Get your tickets here! Bet on the babe that you will think will win!  
Vincent: (holding up his hand) Give me three for Beth!  
Cloud: Uh... er....  
  
(End)


End file.
